Jbirds and the Bees

Today, apropos of nothing...

J: E was in Mama's belly. How did she get there?
A: mhmm... wha?
J: How did E get in Mama's belly?
A: Well, ahh.. hm... you see...
S: Daddy put her there.
J: How?
S: um...
A: (to S) Should we really... ?
S: (to A) I guess so.
A: With a penis.
(pause)
J: (giggles)
A: Yeah. Seems unlikely. Yet true.
J: hahaha... say it, say it again where you say how you put E there!
A: With a penis?
J: Yeah! hahaha! With a penis! I want to see!
A: Oh boy. No, hands to yourself, please.
S: It's private. Like with the potty. It's something a mommy and a daddy... well, usually a mommy and a daddy... do in private.
J: I have a penis! I want to put a baby in E's belly!
A: Oh god.
S: You can't do that. E is just a baby. You can't put a baby in a baby's belly.
J: Ok. Hahaha! Penis!

I'm pretty sure he thinks this is just a big joke. Also: feeling trepidation regarding forthcoming daycare conversations.

So what would you say ya do here?

Backstory: I'm a (radio) astronomer. J is 3yrs old. Some weeks ago, we discussed that my job is "researching stars". This morning:

me: We need to get going!
J: I'm going to D's house. E is going to R's house. And you're going to work.
me: That's right.
J: But there are no stars out during the day!
me: !?
J: You can't research!
me: oh snap!

So I explained 1) there are stars during the day, but the Sun makes it too bright to see them, and 2) I use my computer to look at them. Sheesh. Next he's going to ask to see the stars on my computer. Does he believe I actually work?

Invitees to J's 3rd Birthday

S: Who would you like to invite to your birthday party?
J: Umm... K, and T, and R, and ...
S: and B?
J: yeah... but he pushes me down. But he can come.
S: Who else?
J: Paul!
A: From day care?
J: Yeah, not Paul the Beatle.
(laughter)
A: Not Paul the Beatle? He could sing 'Hey Jude'.
J: Ok, Paul the Beatle. And John. But not John Deere.
S: John Deere has to stay home?
J: Yeah, he has to stay home with his tractor.

Spirited Away

Last weekend we went to a friend's house (one of S's coworkers) to see a movie with J. Our first choice was Spirited Away--a PG film. What's the difference between PG and G, anyway? So 10 minutes in, as Chihiro's parents get turned into pigs, S and I look over to J, and see that he has a look of abject terror on his face.
"J, do you like the movie?"
"NO! The pigs! The pigs scare me!"
Oops. I guess that's the difference between PG and G. So we went with The Princess and the Frog and all was set aright, even though they managed to get turned into frogs...

J is hilarious these days. He absorbs language like you wouldn't believe, and he generalizes like crazy. This leads to funny results. Here are excerpts from just today:
Forgetting my keys in the car door: "You begot the keys!"
Pointing at a telephone wire in the sky: "Look, a rainbow!"
Eating a carrot: "I'm eating a carrot log."
I hiccup: "You hic'd up!"
On being accused of being grumpy: "No. No! No I amn't! (sullenly) I amn't."

And there are at least as many just today that I can't remember.

Sensitivity and J-dar

J-dar is what we're calling J's uncanny ability to be listening to your conversation while looking like he's completely absorbed in something else. It's pretty freaky. For example, at a meeting with a midwife, S described how the doctor in PR did an episiotomy against our instructions:

"So she just said 'a little nick' and then she cut me."
Comes running from the corner where he was playing with a train: "Wh.. wh.. wha.. why did they cut mama?"
Oops.

We've long known that J is sensitive (like his dad). The other day I got hit in the face playing racquetball before picking J up at daycare:
"I need to go inside to get some ice for my lip, okay?"
"You got hit in the face with a racquetball racquet?"
"Yes, that's right. I got hit in the face, and I need some ice to help me feel better."
After getting ice: "Do you know what else would help me feel better? If you sat on my lap."
Sits on my lap. "Ahh. That helps me feel better."
Starts crying. "Why are you crying? Is it because you don't want to sit on my lap? You don't have to."
"No. I'm sad because daddy got hit with a racquetball racquet."

J's First (Original) Joke

"I want granola."
"Can you ask nicely? Can you say 'please'?"
"I don't want to say 'please'. You say 'please'."
"Umm, ok. Please."
"You're a policeman!"

In other news, J knows how to hold a guitar correctly and loves to play it (though it only has 3 strings and it's out of tune). He was playing it today on a Skype call to Grandma and Grandpa.
"Are you strumming the guitar?" (I taught him the word for strumming the other day).
"No! No! I'm not strumming! Not strumming!"
"Okay, okay. What are you doing then?"
"I'm moving my fingers like this." (wiggling his fingers, picking the strings)
"You're fingerpicking!"
For the record, I never taught him about fingerpicking. He figured it out by watching, I guess.

One Was Johnny

"One was Johnny who lived by himself. Two was a ..."
"mouse!"
"who jumped in on the shelf. Three was a ..."
"cat!"
"who came after the rat. Four was a ..."
"dog!"
"who came in and sat. Five was a ..."
"turtle!"
"who bit the dog's tail. Six was a ..."
"monkey!"
"who brought in the mail. Seven a ..."
"bird!"
"BLACKbird pecked poor Johnny's nose. Eight was a ..."
"tiger!"
"out selling old clothes. Nine was a ..."
"robin!"
"robBER who stole an old shoe. Ten was a puzzle, what should Johnny do?"
"Where's the puzzle?"
"It's an abstract puzzle, not an actual--"
"Where's the PUZZLE?"
"It's ABSTRACT, it--"
"WHERE'S THE PUZZLE?"
"It's an ABSTRACT PUZZLE!"
"WHERE IS IT?!"
That's when S broke it up by laughing.